Against Roasts: Never Give Them, Never Attend Them, The Case of Ann Coulter

Conservative advocate Ann Coulter reportedly "hated every minute" of a recent roast on Comedy Central. I don't blame her. The speakers were supposedly roasting actor Rob Lowe, which was bad enough, but Coulter became a major target. Speakers said things about her that could, it seems, not be printed in a family newspaper.

For those people fortunate enough never to have attended a roast, roasts are public speaking events in which the speakers aim nasty jokes at some prominent person. Some folks think that it is an honor to be roasted. In a twisted sense, it probably is. You will only be roasted when you are famous enough, or important enough, that other people want not only to take you down, but to take you down hard. Inevitably, however, a roast will generate hurt feelings that could last for years. Count on this.

I advise my students to avoid roasts like a plague-ridden flea nest. Receiving gratuitous insults brings no one any joy, while handing out gratuitous insults creates lasting resentments. Relationships can be destroyed. Roast participants pay a high price for a few cheap laughs. In real life, roasts are not funny.

My advice to aspiring public speakers: never give a roast, never speak at a roast, never be roasted. Never. No matter what. As Ann Coulter learned the other day, never even attend a roast. If there is a roast at your workplace, you might be wise to have an unbreakable prior engagement that night. For example, maybe you can convince your nephew to get married out of state that night, so you can't attend the roast. People who avoid roasts live happier lives.