Bill de Blasio and His Speechwriters, Part 2: A Favorite Joke That My Father Told

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio is upset because his speechwriters weren't very good. How sad for him. Maybe he should learn to write his own speeches.

My late father, Casper Allen Harpine, Jr., worked for many years as an attorney for the Department of the Interior. He was occasionally asked to ghost-write materials for his bosses to publish under their own names. This sometimes irritated him. He did the work; someone else got the credit. He commented whimsically about "Ghost Writers in the Sky." (We were both Sons of the Pioneers fans.)

He was then led to tell the following story:


A member of Congress and his speechwriter had an argument. The boss ordered the speechwriter to prepare one last speech for the floor of Congress, after which he would be fired. 

The speechwriter went into his office and wrote and wrote and wrote. The speech was due in a half hour. It still wasn't ready. The member of Congress bellowed, "Where's my speech? Where's my speech?" The speechwriter said, "I'm working on it, hold your horses." 

The speech was now due in a few minutes.  The member of Congress bellowed, "Where's my speech? Where's my speech?" The speechwriter said, "I'm almost done, take a pill." 

Finally, as the member of Congress ran to the podium, his speechwriter stuffed the typescript into his hands. There was no time to review it. The first page read:

"Today, I will present my plan to restore honesty in government, balance the budget, increase Medicare spending, ensure world peace, and improve our national security.

"My foolproof plan will guarantee our nation's preeminence for generations to come.  Our people will have unheralded prosperity, and Congress will be respected forever."

Thrilled, the member of Congress turned to page 2. All it said was,

"OK, you big, arrogant dummy, I got you this far. The rest is up to you."


Lesson: you, and you alone, are responsible for what comes out of your mouth. If it is in your mouth, it is your obligation to get it right. If you get it wrong, it's your fault. No one else's.

A bigger question: speechwriting is now an accepted political practice. The last president who I knew for sure to write his own speeches was Woodrow Wilson. But is speechwriting ethical? Or does the public have a right to hear what the political figures really have to say?  One of my best friends in school became a speechwriter, and I would never criticize her. I might, however, criticize the people who used her work as if it were their own.